Nicai de Guzman's web floordrobe
Queen, courtesan, and patron of the arts
Let me start by saying I’ve got a headache since this morning and it only subsided when I downed some painkillers.
Also, it’s one of those days when I hate people. Well, strangers. I don’t like crowded, people-y places. I used to like being not alone. Now, ever since those things happened, I’ve found people annoying. I find it irritating when people talk to me. Who gave you permission to talk to me? One of these days I’m really going to pull the “You can see me?” stunt.
What else is annoying? The past. Well, my personal time line, not history in general. History in general is bloody and wonderful and all kinds of awesome. My own personal time line kind of sucks. Well just the past so and so years which we shall call college and the year after that. Can we forget it ever happened? I’m still 16 okay? I skipped uni and now I’m working because I’ve been the kid genius I’ve always been. So let’s all get over it and time travel farther into the future or something.
Another random thought that visited my mind today is that I would gladly learn how to curse people if it’s about you. Like, I’d give the girls who are swarming about you warts, boils and final phase incurable sexually transmitted disease. Or I can just throw acid onto their faces. Or cut a limb. Or make them grow a penis, in exchange for their vagina, and another on their face. < LOL I LIKE THIS LAST ONE
Hmm let’s see what else. Hmm if you think any of my entries are about you, then it’s not.
I understand why I can’t have you now. I want you. I want you too much. In fictional conquests, it’s the sole ingredient for the formula of happy-ever-afters. In the real world, it’s the opposite. Wanting is dangerous. Especially mine, I suppose. It’s a destructive kind of wanting that breeds the worst in me. It’s all-consuming and infinite. It occupies my entirety. It numbs all other feelings. I become obsessive, loathing, and inexplicably jealous.
You see, I still call it “want” because I don’t think love is supposed to feel this way. But if this is how love feels, then I don’t want anything to do with it.