Ernica de Guzman's web floordrobe
Queen, courtesan, and patron of the arts
Days are ruined when I see an ex of an ex commenting on a common friend’s post BUT THANK GOD FOR CRAZY ORGMATES WHO MAKE LIFE BEARABLE. See also: Tahong and talong post.
I know I whine all the time because the love of my love is an asshole blah blah blah but when I’m in a good mood, say I just ate ramen and gyudon with a friend and I’m just strolling and shopping in Greenbelt, I am reminded I should be content.
I have awesome jobs. Corporate job is exciting right now because of our many projects. Aside from that, I have recently been reinstated as Manila’s Bureau Manager for Kabataan News Network (Youth News Network) so yay! I get article assignments left and right and front and center and in all directions from Pacifiqa and SPOT. Also, there’s the Pulitzer thing. Sure the work is driving me nuts (PH, Dubai, France) but I’m proud to be part of our team.
Let’s see. What else?
Volunteer work! Aside from being financially more-than-okay, I always remember to give back via my volunteer work. There’s our alumnae board where we will be working on donating boats so kids in island towns can go to schools. I also continue to volunteer for Little Deeds for Little Kids and we actually have an event on Sunday where I will be games master and trick kids into holding their breaths so I can give them candies. (Lol okay, school supplies!) And of course, there’s my work with Heritage Conservation Society where I have recently been appointed as Media Liaison officer.
So I shouldn’t be complaining about life.
Plus, aside from being okay with my family and staying at my parents’ again and my mom being in Ireland for her PhD and everyone is healthy, we’re not really struggling.
Not to mention the boy who adores me… And we’re okay… for now.
I guess all the interviewees from the Pulitzer story are slapping me hard on the face and telling me that my life is good and theirs have more soap opera value than mine. I didn’t eat salt and rice for days on end. I mean, I starved at some point but that was by choice and I was just stubborn.
Saves the world.
I can always have more but I should learn to be content or I’ll never be happy with what I have, no matter how rich or successful or awesome I get.
I wish I can be completely honest with my parents. Like.
"So where are you going?"
"Overnight at the boy’s."
"Who is this? Someone you’re dating?"
"Of course not! It’s just sex."
"So where are you going?"
"Backpacking with the boy."
"What am I? In high school? Oh please I never use that word anymore. Besides, he’s in love with someone else he can never have and I’m in love with someone else who I recently discovered to be a complete asshole… So we’re kind of just hanging out and fooling around. Plus the sex is not so bad so we’re good."
"What are you doing with your life?"
"Making sense after blacking out for two years and just sort of unwinding because I am completely exhausted from all my dysfunctional boys and my dysfunctional relationships."
"Why did you turn out to be like this? You were so promising…"
"Oh well maybe if I was a bit idealistic like I believed in love and that I’m worth loving or something, this wouldn’t be my life right now. Like maybe if you two weren’t so fucked up and broke up and abandoned me emotionally. Heck, even physically and monetarily. But I’m done blaming and past is past and I have to live with my mistakes."
"You know what if feels like to have a nightmare?"
"Well that’s my life now except that when I wake up, it sort of doesn’t end."
We are each other’s consolation prize. Of course we’re happy but we’re both painfully aware that this isn’t what we want.